Lessons learned from my mom: The impact of a quiet leader

With my mom, the Quiet Leader

Today is my mom’s birthday. While she is no longer on the earth to celebrate the day she arrived, I love celebrating her legacies. I’ve written other blog posts honoring lessons from mom, and here it goes again.

My husband and I were looking at old family photos, and he said, “have you ever noticed that your mom is always looking at your dad in pictures?” He’s looking at the camera and she’s looking at him. For the longest time, I was disappointed in my mom for that. I felt she stood in second place, lacked confidence, deferred to other. No one ever criticized their mother before, right? But now I see the photos differently. I think about my mom, and what kind of leader she was–she was focusing the attention on him, always shining a light on my dad. She was a quiet leader.

Being a quiet leader is not someone we celebrate in today’s hey, look at me world. Yet, quiet leaders are an essential part of the leadership ecosystem.

When my mom would actually talk to me about what she was doing in her career, it was SO impressive! She was the assistant administrator of a hospital, she led projects to create large building additions, negotiated complex government funding, and she, along with a doctor and a nurse, started one of the first free medical clinics in the state of Wisconsin. At the time this was incredibly innovative. They served as a model for many other clinics in development throughout the country. The clients were primarily non-English speaking and many were undocumented. My mom worked with drug companies to get supplies donated, arranged for space to conduct the clinics and more. She was pretty impressive! But you’d never know it at home.

Here’s why quiet leaders win.

#1 They build trust. Trust is essential for collaboration, and for getting people to take smart risks, like giving away free medical treatment when no one else is doing it. Quiet leaders build trust because they aren’t in it for the accolades or awards. They simply lead. When your motives are authentic, others follow. I don’t believe she spent a lot of time publishing her mission, vision and values. She simply lived hers.

#2 Quiet leaders give voice to others. They get input from many people in the room and offer supportive comments to people who rarely have a voice, may be talked over or need a positive light shown upon them.

As a woman in business, I’ve been talked over countless times. This happens when I make a suggested action or solution, then a male counterpart says the same thing, followed by male leader giving kudos to the male coworker for the great idea. I’m left wondering, was I on mute? A quiet leader, reinforces the ideas of people who don’t always have the voice, propping them up, giving them legitimacy and confidence. And they can, because they were actually LISTENING in the first place!

#3 They get $h!t done. Quiet leaders get results. Most of the quiet leaders I know are grinders. They work consistently towards a goal. Quiet leaders are natural mentors, they bring others alongside them and teach in a way that is open and vulnerable. Countless people have told me about the impact my mom made by showing them the ropes, investing in their careers and acting as a sponsor. Quiet leaders are the drop of water that spreads rings.

I miss my mom every day, but thinking about the impact she made and what an amazing quiet leader she was makes my heart happy and proud. She truly was a quiet leader, who listened, amplified others, and did the work without seeking glory. Love you, Mumsy!

Andrea Finck is the Chief Curator for Home Watch Madison and Finding Flow Feng Shui in Madison, Wisconsin. She can be found on homewatchmadison.com or flowcurator.com.